The Perfectionism Trap

Perfectionism gets a great reputation. People brag about it in job interviews. But beneath the polished surface, toxic perfectionism is usually shame in a productivity costume. It is the belief that if you can just get everything right -- the presentation, the parenting, the body, the email -- then no one will see the flawed person underneath. The difference between healthy striving and the perfectionism trap is what happens when you fall short. Healthy striving says 'That did not work, let me try again.' The perfectionism trap says 'That did not work, which confirms I am not good enough.' When your worth is on the line every time you perform, nothing is ever good enough because the stakes are never really about the task. They are about whether you deserve to exist. Recovery is not about lowering your standards. It is about decoupling your standards from your survival.