Fairy-Tale Expectations

Expecting your partner to be a prince or princess from a story that was never real -- and punishing them when reality does not match the script.

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Somewhere between childhood fairy tales, romantic comedies, and social media relationship goals, many people absorbed a script for love that no real human can perform. The prince who reads your mind. The princess who never has a bad day. The partner who makes you feel whole without you having to do any of the work. Fairy-tale expectations in relationships are the unspoken belief that love should look like a movie -- effortless, dramatic, and perfectly choreographed -- and that any deviation from the script means your partner is not trying hard enough or does not love you enough. Research by Bjarne Holmes and Kimberly Johnson has shown that exposure to idealized media portrayals of romance is associated with stronger endorsement of dysfunctional relationship beliefs -- including the belief that disagreement is destructive, that partners should know what you need without being told, and that passion should never fade. These beliefs are not just unrealistic; they are actively damaging. They set up a dynamic where one partner is perpetually auditioning for a role they cannot fill, and the other is perpetually disappointed by a reality that was never going to match the fantasy. The prince-princess dynamic is also deeply gendered but not exclusively so. Men expect to be treated as kings whose needs come first. Women expect grand romantic gestures as proof of devotion. Both versions share the same core: the belief that love means being served rather than being partnered. Healthy relationships require two people who show up as flawed humans, not two people performing roles from a script that was written by someone who never had to do their own laundry.

Key Takeaway

If your love story requires a prince or princess, you are not looking for a partner. You are casting a role that no real person can play.

A Better Approach
A stick figure holding a checklist labeled 'The Perfect Partner' with impossible items: reads my mind, never argues, always makes the first move. Every real person fails the list
The checklist is not a standard. It is a script -- and no human being was written for it.
A stick figure sitting on a throne expecting their partner to kneel, while the partner stands exhausted holding a tray of unmet expectations. The figure on the throne does not notice the imbalance
When one person sits on the throne, the other becomes the servant. That is not love. That is a performance.
A stick figure stepping down from the throne and sitting on the same level as their partner. The crown is off. They look at each other as equals for the first time
Love begins when you stop auditioning each other and start showing up as equals.
Two stick figures doing mundane things together -- washing dishes, sitting in silence, laughing at nothing. No castle, no script, no crowns. Just two people. A label reads 'The real fairy tale'
The real fairy tale is two imperfect people choosing each other on ordinary days.

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